Hit Or Miss

I’m sitting here tonight with my head against three pillows. There is no longer a plastic air filled bubble that I’ll rest on, nor am I to fall asleep on a couch tonight, I’m on my own bed. Not only am I on this soft and supple Thrown of comfort, I am currently writing this, while in the background, color bursts and sounds hum from an actual television. These things are mine. I feel elated to have earned these items of luxury. The beauty of appreciation has overcome me. I have little to complain about, tough I do often. I almost want to give myself a titty twister for bitching as much as I do. I have so much to be thankful for. I live in a beautiful place, in a comfortable environment, with extravagant items that most take for granted. I have been recently. I know this and as ashamed as I am, these simple things have brought me back to my place. People look at me and still judge me for things I don’t have. I find it funny at this point because I look back at my first nights here, six months ago when I slept on the floor, and had nothing but this empty space, some clothes, and a surfboard. Now, six months later, I almost have a full studio’s worth of furniture, and amenities that I’ve fought and struggled for. None of this was given to me. I left a perfect life to come to nothing. I came here not knowing what I was doing or where I would end up. I’ve learned how to survive. I’m relying on nothing but my own judgement and will to live. I’m successful in my own mind.

From my experiences I’ve learned that in order to learn what you’re made of, you must challenge your fears. Rely on yourself, and nothing else. You can’t let any words or opinions from the ignorant, jade you. You will learn how to provide, be efficient, and most importantly, what you’re made of. The search for strength starts in a dark and incredibly terrifying place, but if you’re brave enough to wander down the rabbit hole, you’ll come out of the other end knowing things you never thought were possible, are.