May 2013
7 posts
Beautiful.
Waking up from a nap clarity struck. Beauty was the word at hand. To most vanity seems to be the focus around the word. I do believe its deeper. From my perspective, beauty resonates internally. You get fat, are you still beautiful, does that change who you are? No. The literal definition is “the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind,...
Anonymous asked: Your hott are you single?
Fuck this shit. Lets get real.
Lets talk about the break up, drinking, sex and money. I previously wrote a less than interesting post that was vague and well, just not me. Fuck that, here it is, unfiltered from my point of view.
This break up was stupid. She left me because we fought too much. That is valid. Regardless I do not want to be your friend. You Aren’t a friend, you were someone I loved, who threw that away....
Depthless
This area has been pissing me off lately. The more I stop and look around the uglier the depths of it are. Who you know, how much money you make, networking, it’s all bullshit. It’s the look from the corner of your eye that’s hidden by a fake smile and nod from blank glazed over eyes. It’s substance-less. What you do makes you who you are, not what you have or who you know....
April 2013
10 posts
Home sweet home
Being back is strange. I feel my trip home changed me. I have less tolerance for the arrogance and uppity attitudes here. I also love living here even more now. I appreciate the beauty and simple pleasures with a heightened sensitivity of feeling for pleasure that living here gives me. I am a bit disappointed in myself for distracting myself with drinking more frequently, but the vice was...
The middle. The end.
Being dropped off at my Dads house was odd. Todd drove away with both kids in the seat and as they pulled away I knew it’d be a while before I got to see them again. It’s strange but I feel a connection to those two I’ve never felt before. I turned to the door as Todd pulled off and my Dad was there, smiling. I haven’t seen him smile in a really long time. He’s a man...
The beginning. The middle.
As I write this I sit in the very spot I decided I was moving to California. Tears have started to swell in my eyes as I look at my beast of a dogs head poking around the corner. I’m where this all began. Emotions are high, and my heart is filled with feelings I’ve buried for the past year. I’m no longer numb.
After taking a sleepless flight, filled with karate kicks to the...
Tarmac
It’s been a year since I’ve set foot on the Atlantic coast. I return the exact opposite as to one year prior. I left the East coast to begin a new adventure, a new relationship, and a journey to discover a career. I leave the West coast this time, with an ended relationship, to revisit my roots, and to rediscover my love for love. The amount my life has changed from one years passing...
Uncommon
Success. Such at bitter sweet word. Achieving personal goals is something we all strive to attain, but at what cost? A loved one, friends, precious years of your youth, and an ever thriving world that waits to be discovered? Or doesn’t wait and passes you by? Its a fickle balance to find. Your personal growth will test what’s most important to you, who’s most important to you. As...
March 2013
2 posts
Pleasure
The illusion of control is something we all strive for. We battle right and wrong in order to achieve a life of balance that is a euphoric interpretation of what we see as happiness. Expectation is its demise. We strive to achieve, to better ourselves, we work harder, longer, more, to get something, to get somewhere. To fill a void we feel we have. When is it enough?
I often wonder if happiness...
February 2013
4 posts
Solid one dude.
I went surfing alone today. I needed to recharge my batteries pretty bad after a hard night. Everything has been going really well and there was nothing really wrong except the amount of time I spent in my own head. Pretty much what it comes down to is I miss my Mother. Saying it sounds childish, but I haven’t seen her in almost three years now. Nothings wrong, there’s not a...
Killer Tofu, and my own funeral.
A lot has happened in a short period of time. All my work lead to the gratification I’ve been hoping for. Within the last month I’ve gotten a job offer that’s given me a path, Hockey has become a staple in my daily routine of entertainment again, I’m back in the gym regularly, and I’ve become mobile. I got a car. Now I’ll be able to surf more, and hopefully show...
January 2013
6 posts
Sunburn in January.
The past two days I’ve spent trying to calm my anxiety since setting foot on the west coast. I’ve been pushing and pushing to move forward at a rate I never have before. It was unnatural. By resisting the natural flow of my own self, I ended up lost. I’m the type of person who needs to take in what’s going on at a present moment, to see the good in things. When I focus too much on the past or...
Ice Cream headaches, and a thirst for adventure.
I’ve been having anxiety for the past two days because I’ve been stuck at my place without anywhere to go, or anything to do. My roommate drank all of the coffee I brewed, and is Bogarting the TV, couch, and mini Jambox, all which I own. It’s made me mildly disgruntled. Sitting here alone has made my mind go in circles wondering why I’m left without an option to break free...
365 Days.
One year has passed and I’m still here. I’m not sure how much I’ve changed in this little time, but I am sure, I’ve learned the most I have in my life, in this short period of time. Some people call that progress. My goal was to make it, by my own standards. The idea was to survive on my own at any cost or sacrifice. The knowledge you gain while just trying to survive i is...
December 2012
6 posts
Tradition & Trials
I’ve had the hardest time writing anything lately. Today is the hardest. It’s Christmas 2012 and I have one person by my side. It’s quite the drastic change. Last year I was getting ready to leave everything I knew. Last year I thought I had the world figured out. Maybe I did. I woke up today and searched for comfort in the one thing left I have for myself. In the one thing that...
Sever the Anchor
In light of my recent inspirational realization about my journey I feel newly invigorated and alive. It makes me think of how childish I’ve acted for so long. As Mom stated, “Men are just taller boys in nicer clothes.” I think she was actually wrong.
Though I believe you should never lose your youthful spirit, we’re meant to grow, and no longer be about our own fun. It’s meant to be about...
Jeff the Barber, and the lesson I learned,while...
Figuring out who you are, what you need, what are things you desire, and what parts of these things make you tick can drive a person mad. Accepting it can set you free. Greed, hate, and lust, all will misguide if you’re not careful, do not take them lightly, for they can, and will steer you clear of your own greater good. It will tear you from your own happiness if you let it. Before coming...
November 2012
4 posts
You can go your own way
I lie here tonight ashamed and simultaneously, proud of myself. I’ve been weak minded and a slave to negativity. I continuously looked at my life with disgust and distain. I, in the recent past, have been my own devil. Nagging myself, you can’t, you’ll never, you’re worthless. It was pitiful, but inevitable. All that comes up must go down at some point. The mighty hath fallen.
The other day...
Without Love We Perish
To love and be loved. Life’s greatest pleasure. Hate, greed, and judgement, are easy . Shallow at best. Sad and lonely. To conquer all, love must be prevalent, resilient, and un breakable. To be taken for granted or mocked, is the voice of the ignorant, those of the envious, and unfamiliar. To feel and receive the force of reciprocal love is a passion we should all be privileged to have our...
October 2012
6 posts
Life like Sandy
I live for hurricanes. The tragedy of the winds, the fallout of the gale forces, it all gives way to the most beautiful sunrises and perfect rolling mountains for men to conquer. Patiently waiting year in and out for these moments to display skill and strength in the most unstable environment there is. I swell with pride at the thought of a Chocolate brown barrel, the spray of salt water as I...
Pensive
Driving down PCH I reflect on what it is to live. Zoning out with the radios waves drumming in my ear I watch as the sun sets into the Pacific. I just got back from picking my board up from ding repair after my injury. I feel better with it by my side. Blood stains the tacky wax that smells of coconut and is corse from embedded sand. It’s a reminder of a desperate moment. It’s over...
Autumn
The change of the colors in the leaves never meant this much to me. The slight dip in temperature that calls for a supple hoodie or thick flannel bring a grin to my eyes. The ocean calls to me. The water is warm as the cool breeze rips off the ocean. The thin layer of rubber protects me as a bead of the Pacific trickles down my spin and creates a chill. I’m greeted by open arms, a fire, a...
September 2012
8 posts
Spilled blood, Spilled Heart.
No one stays on top forever. Including myself. My life this past year has been a whimsical roller coaster of excitement and development. The tracks just hit its first major stop. My beloved other half left for work over the weekend, and naturally, I was feeling the affects of separation anxiety. In order to cope with these feelings, I had one thing in mind. I was going to spend the time with my...
Little Pond
Leaving a small town to explore the richest, area of our country, in culture, beauty, and financial wealth is not all rainbows and sunshine. In fact, it’s darker than most would think . There’s moments of desperation, and struggle that to most, is unfathomable. I share this feeling with one of my own. We are officially big fish from a small pond, swimming in the vast dark ocean. It’s murky, with...
