The Return
I’m sitting here in the Airport and I literally have Goosebumps. I’m on my way home and my brain feels like it’s a bag of Pop Rocks that someone poured Root Beer over. There are Fireworks in my heart and I cannot wait to see my loved ones. Problem being, this is not under the circumstances I had hoped for. My Aunt has passed and I’m returning to support my family. Rest assured I am fine and holding strong. It’s a tragedy to lose a loved one and my heart is overwhelmed with sadness. At the same time I have this swelling of joy in my chest. I never got to say goodbye to my aunt but everything happens for a reason. Life is stranger than we could ever imagine.
I’ve been in California for almost half of this year and it feels like yesterday that I left. I shed many tears upon leaving; I was scared that I’d never see these people again. Thanks to the effort from those people I’m close with, we never lost touch and in fact, we grew closer. I cannot fucking wait to embrace them in my arms; the thought of it is so exhilarating that I have to hold back tears. I’m getting to meet a new addition to the army of friends I call family in the next few days. Its hours away and I’ll be introduced to Noah Brown, my brother’s second child. I’m on cloud nine just thinking about laughing with everyone, seeing them and making more memories within the short few days I’m there.
Leaving California is a bit humbling and the true colors of new friends are showing. I was offered rides to the airport, given support and expressions of condolence for my loss. Californians may, by nature, put up a serious front, and some may lack depth, and substance, but I will attest to the fact that the good ones here have as much heart as the best of the best on the East Coast. Leiren, Sean, Kenny, Hector, Hernan, Krisztina, Sugi, and Shinsuke Nakashima, thank you for everything since I’ve arrived, no matter what happens or how far apart we may grow in the future, you will all have a place in my heart for the rest of my life.
As excited, as I am to return to do the most ridiculous shit with Ryan Watson, I am also excited to return to California. My thoughts wander, and question how this will all feel in one week. I had a conversation with my friend Joe who has been on almost the same exact journey as me, discussing his first returning trip to NJ. He was invigorated. I’m hoping for the same. I want that spark that ignites my experience even further. The other day there was a flicker of hope, in California. I have a wick doused in Gasoline waiting to be ignited and I experienced something that could do just that. When I get home I’ll submerse my self into that, and hope for a blaze of glory. More on that in the future.
My names being called to board as I finish this. The airline attendant is greeting me without even having the slightest idea that she’s meeting the happiest person in the world right now. She should be asking for an autograph, because this feeling is so rare and should be embraced and cherished to the fullest. This feeling, right now, is proof that miracles happen, dreams come true, and the bullshit life throws at you, is worth the struggle. I’m Coming Home to you. I am filled with love and whimsical feelings of nostalgia and optimism. This is what life is all about. This feeling right now.
Anonymous asked - "You're absolutely the whole package. Genuine, passionate, intelligent, caring, sweet and handsome of course. If those girls don't see how amazing you are then it is their loss. You'll find the perfect girl for you, who knows she might just come along when you least expect it and take your breath away. :)"
We can only hope, and thank you, that’s very flattering and sweet of you.
Autumn will always be better, than Summer.
I’m a creature who needs structure and consistency. I’ve grown throughout my years with that lacking. People, hobbies, jobs, support and faith always seemed to shift with surroundings. The only thing that stuck around we’re people I call family. Few that are blood, and many who are not. I am greatly appreciative, and would give anything up for them, I mean, they really put up with some serious bullshit from me in the past. I’m sorry for that guys, thanks for all the advice, and patients, during the many hours of me bitching, I love you for staying and you’ve helped me to this point in my life where I am truly happy. Thank you.
The problem with the above ideas as far as dating many people for me is, lack of consistency. Show me one who has the confidence to come after it and to be loyal from start to finish, let me be proved right that it exists. So far this is a fantasy in my own life. At least I’m having the time of my life and surfing my brains out in the mean time. I’m hopeful and excited for a few select individuals that I’ll be meeting soon. I’m up against some women who, from the outside, are out of my league. They are gorgeous, successful and educated. It appears to be a full package, let’s just hope what they have on the inside, matches the out. Let’s hope for someone who will know what they want, and that to be me.
Anonymous asked - "Your passion for life and adventure astounds me! Sometimes I feel completely alone in my journey. Do you ever feel like you're the only one who feels this way about acheieving true love and happiness in life?"
I think it’s natural to feel alone and in a sense lost. By no means do I have it “figured out”. I think I am one of a dying breed of people who believe that it is possible to achieve these things. Discouragement from expectations have jaded the vast majority of people but that happenstance is out of your hands in most cases. What I’ve come to realize through a lot of pain, mistakes, and suffering is that there are things that are beyond your control and if you stress over trying to change them, ultimately you are un happy. Once you accept things for what they are, it’s easier to cope and see the good in it. You are not alone, and it is capable to achieve these things, the key is to be happy with yourself. I would kick myself in the nuts a year ago, if I knew I’d be giving that advice to someone else, but it is true. Im living in my “dream” land and get to do what I love almost every single day. I’ve wanted that my whole life and made it happen for myself. You are capable of the same. make your dreams come true and the rest will fall into place as it should.
Anonymous asked - "I have always written about my experiences and have found that by doing so it has gotten me through a lot in my life. Have you always written about your life and your experiences or is this something new for you?"
I’ve always kept a journal that is a personal one. This is to share my experience with my friends, family, and loved ones. It’s hard to stay in touch with them as much as I’d like, this is a remedy. To my surprise I’ve gotten a pretty overwhelming response form people I don’t even know. It’s flattering and humbling in a sense.
Passing time.
I have a friend of mine that I’ve known since the third grade. We had a falling out amongst our friends and a difference in opinions almost seven years ago now. I’ve stayed in touch with him throughout, but always keep a distance. This was dumb. We connected emotionally as friends, on a deep level. He has a brilliant and unique mind, but used to come off very abrasive. I understood him enough to understand and know it wasn’t coming from a bad place, for he has a genuine heart. Unfortunately people are too wrapped up in words and never focus on actions. His are justified for the most part, with few exceptions, and noble. We’ve been in touch recently discussing our past and now, our present. He lost a loved one today. A man who I’ve known for years and the most influential man of his lfe. His Grandfather.
I know how hard this is for I have lost the most influential women in my life, my Grandmother. Me simply understanding how hard this is to go through is hopefully comforting to him to know he’s not alone. Sometimes he speaks of things he wishes he would change because he realizes how much time he wasted. My thought is, as I told him, Everything has happened for a reason and has brought him to the now. It has made him the man he is, and it is his responsibility to carry on the name and legacy of the man he cherishes so dearly and to not regret anything.
He is a great man like his grandfather. We all have our demons to fight, not everyone is fearless enough to show them and confront them. He is. I love him like a brother, unconditionally and my love goes out to him and his entire family. Today we lost a great man. He is to be replaced with an equally, if not more respectable one, for he has passed his traits down to the next generation. It’s in good hands that are fueled by a passionate heart. My friend is on a new journey now and I am proud to be, No, Honored to be apart of that with him, and to be there for him now. You are my family Dave. Always have been. Always will be. No matter what. I’ll always be here.
Anonymous asked - "How did you work up the courage to just pick up and leave your home, your family, your friends, and essentially your life?"
I wouldn’t call it courage. I had faith. I had the moment of undoubtable confidence in an idea that changed the course of my life forever. Everyones scared to leave what they are comfortable with. I just think comfortable isn’t happiness, and true happy endings exist. I’m a living example.
I think for me I knew I always wanted to leave the East Coast. I’m unique in comparison to the personalities there, and in California for that matter. Or so I’m told. The East Coast wasn’t capable with supplying me with day to day things that made me happy. Surfing being a major one. It’s a true passion of mine. I felt that the lifestyle which most are accustom to there, was for me, un-healty. I like fitness and outdoor activities , and the harsh winters limit the ability to do so. Here I’m supplied with this daily. It’s a simple and pure pleasure that most take for granted. I don’t. Essentially my home never felt like home except for when I was with my family and friends.
My family and friends were the hardest part for me. I love them all dearly and miss them with every morsel of my being. They were what made me happy. From all of my relationship experiences with girls, family, and friends, I learned one thing that sunk in. You need to be happy with your life, alone. In the end it’s only you and you only have one life to do everything you could ever dream of, so why not go big? I couldn’t live my life there just because I loved them that much. Don’t get me wrong they are beyond worth it, I’d trade 1000 people here for one of my best friends or family. Maybe that’s a bit selfish, but anyone who truly loves anyone understands why someone would make such a choice and would be supportive. My friends and family are, and I like to think are happy for me.
I left a good, comfortable life, this much is true. I just had faith that I was meant to do this. Many people I care about never had or will have this chance. I do and I wasn’t about to waste that. I came with nothing, I have barely anything, but I’m happy. Happier than I was with all these “things”. It’s back to basics and building, No, earning everything. It gives me a sense of pride.
It’s not an easy thing to do. Anything worth it, never is easy. I just thought long and hard enough about it to come to the conclusion if I never did it, I’d regret it. It’s not for everyone, and many may not understand. We all have our own path I just took control of my own and am happy I did. I live like this, ” You only regret the things you don’t do”. Those words changed my life.
Free Spirit
The beautiful thing about moving to a new place is the excitement that comes along with every single new experience. Everything is new. The people, the food, the places, the feeling, the general ambiance of the nature that surrounds you, it’s overwhelmingly stimulating. I’m absolutely free to do as I please. I’m incredibly lucky, and so are you. This is why. You are free to do anything you can imagine.
I look at all my friends and family back home and see the ties that bond them to where they are and the path they chose. It’s right for them, it’s respectable and they are successful in what they’ve set out to achieve. I’m proud of them. I’m different than most in what I chose to do. I’m glad I took a chance on believing dreams can come true. I haven’t settled for a life that is any less than what I’ve conjured in my brain since I was young in heart and mind. I feel that youthful passion still to this day. I’m going after MY happily ever after. I’m fulfilled by the simplest, and most pure pleasures anyone could ask for. Building this thing from an empty studio, in a strange place where I know not a single person, straight to the sky’s limit. I’m clawing my way up from the extreme bottom and growing stronger along the way. Once I reach the top, I will be able to conquer anything life throws at me.
I want to fall madly in love with someone, I want to earn a respectable living within the surf industry, and I want to grow another family of friends that reside in the West. All in due time I believe it will come. I have faith in this and I’m completely free of any chains to explore anything, or anyone, that is exciting, new, and fills my life with laughter and joy. I want to have the time of my life while the pursuit of this dream takes place. This journey is the best thing I could have ever done for myself. I have a great sense of pride. Many people may not understand why at my age I’m not settling down and doing the norm. Well, to be honest, I’m a Free Spirit and won’t settled for anything but the best. Until I achieve my perception of that, I won’t let anything, or anyone slow me down. This is my dream, this is life,this is my way.
Anyone who reads these I’m going to tell you something I’ve learned. Again I hope this helps anyone, in anyway, whatsoever, and if so you find the courage to tell me you have read this and take the time to discuss these ideas. Everyone gets to a point where they feel unfulfilled or unhappy. With work, their studies, their significant other, whatever it is. It’s ok to stop and change it all. It’s ok to walk away from what has become the norm and what you’re most comfortable with. Sometimes your heart needs you to leave these things behind in order to thrive and live happily, and to experience a life full of true love. Pursue your dreams for yourself. It’s not selfish. Hard as it may be, it is worth it. You get one shot to do everything you could ever conjure up in your skull. Dream bigger, dream whimsically, and go do it. Do every little thing you’ve always wanted to. You’re not too old, it’s not too late, and you are the only person who can grow the balls to take a leap of faith. Call the person you’re afraid to call and think you shouldn’t, goto art school instead of law school, go drop off the grid and explore, do what you normally wouldn’t, and are afraid of, it’s worth it. Live Free, Live happy, and Love your life without limitation.
